If you haven’t figured it out yet, I tend to use a lot of songs in my posts….so why would this one be any different? =D
There’s a song by Casting Crowns titled “Broken Together” It’s absolutely beautiful. It describes, I feel, so many marriages out there, and with those marriages I feel mine is one of them.
The lyrics are as follows: “What do you think about when you look at me, I know we’re not the fairy tale you dreamed we’d be. You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand and we dove into a mystery. How I wish we could go back to simpler times, Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light. Now on this hallowed ground, we’ve drawn the battle lines, Will we make it through the night? It’s going to take much more than promises this time. Only God can change our minds. Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete, Could we just be broken together. If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine, Could healing still be spoken and save us, The only way we’ll last forever is broken together. How it must have been so lonely by my side, We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind. I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we won’t give up the fight. It’s going to take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds. Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together. If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine, Could healing still be spoken and save us. The only way we’ll last forever is broken together.”
Some may read those lyrics and think that it’s about someone somewhere being unfaithful, or hiding lies. The true meaning behind it as told by the writer himself about the reality couples face after tying the knot. “Marriage is tough,” Hall explained. “We bring a lot of fairytales to the picture when it comes to marriage. We bring them to the altar with us [thinking]: ‘This is going to be perfect. We don’t have to be apart. We can just wake up together every morning and no one is going to have morning breath. We’re not going to have any problems.’ And then the problems hit and you don’t know where to file those into your picture. The idea I’m trying to say is: ‘Can you lay down who you thought I was and love the me that is? Can we take this from where we are now and realize that I can’t be that person?’ Only God is going to be able to make this work and broken people can be broken together. To me, it’s probably the most important song on the record.” -Mark Hall of Casting Crowns.
The first time I had heard this song we were at church and the pastor played the video on youtube in front of the congregation. Yours truly was of course a puddle, and I looked over at my man and he looked as though he was impacted by it too. Ever since that day it’s been one of my favorites and has kind of for me been the anthem to our marriage. I actually feel like we have a couple anthems to our marriage. The other would be “If We’re Honest” by Francesca Battistelli, another very beautiful song. We both feel that we have a very strong marriage without a doubt. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine doing any of this without him. He’s so much of my strength and keeps me together when there have been so many moments that I’ve just wanted to fall apart. He makes me laugh every day, and when he holds me…oh man the world for that moment just stops and it seems like everything will always be ok.
I do agree though I feel like when we jumped into this adventure called marriage there was a perception of ‘this is going to be perfect’. Especially with us, we were so in love, he had such a great job and I was going to school to do something that really all my life I’d wanted to do. We’d only really known each other a little over a year so no we didn’t know all of each others secrets or scars. And honestly every day something new comes out about something from my past and his. But no matter what secret or scar is brought to the light we still love each other. We have accepted that that’s who that person was and it’s made them who they are. We are both fully aware that everyone has a past and not everyone’s past is magical rainbows and glitter. Some peoples pasts are dark and hazy, but it doesn’t matter because the love we have for one another at the end of every day and every revelation, always prevails. Yes there’s road bumps, shit there’s been sink holes we’ve run into, but we’ve always some how found a way to work through them together. And I believe that’s been a huge reason why we’ve made it this far. I know there were people who ran around saying “oh they’ll never last. I give them a year, or maybe 5.” Well it’ll be 7 in September and we’ve been together for 8 and I fall in love with him more and more every day. I know people have doubted us and probably still do because we ran into this adventure so fast, but I just knew he was the one like I said before. And despite all the cards that have been stacked against us and negativity shot towards the two of us we’ve always stuck together to combat that negativity. I go to bat for him on what seems like a regular basis against the negativity that has been shot his way, all because people don’t know him the way I do and some people never will get that chance. They severed that opportunity before they even gave it a chance.
“Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete, Could we just be broken together. If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine”. Being a daughter from parents that had just recently divorced and having multiple people in my family that had experienced divorced or infidelity my perception of marriage was a little warped. The example that had been there for so many years of happiness and the “perfect marriage” for the last 19 years of my life had been shattered. Now, I know my parents didn’t have the picture perfect marriage either, but everything I knew about marriage was all thrown out the window when that entire situation happened. Along with that all the other crap that I had been hanging on to for years was being dragged behind me. I thought to myself, how am I going to find someone to love me with all this weight, all this hurt that I can’t seem to find away of letting go of and I have a hard time loving myself? I was so afraid of failing. But then God brought this amazing person into my life that would just sit there and listen and hold me while I cried through all the hurt, all the fear, all the baggage that had been weighing me down for so long. It didn’t matter though, he helped me sort through every single piece of it. He accepted every single tear, and there were so many nights that I would cry myself to sleep in his arms and when I’d finally fallen asleep I was always awake just enough to hear him say “it’ll all be ok.” The history of his past, all of it every single moment even the moments he’s not proud of didn’t matter to me and still don’t. All the memories he talks about makes me fall in love with him even more every day. It proves to me that he’s human. So when we came together as one, each one of us was incomplete in our own way, so being broken together for us seemed like the right thing to do. It has been the right thing to do because it’s working. We have helped each other heal together through a lot of things.”The only way we’ll last forever, is broken together.”
If we’re honest by Francesca Battistelli- “Truth is harder than a lie, The dark seems safer than the light, And everyone has a heart that loves to hide. I’m a mess and so are you, We’ve built walls nobody can get through. Yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do…. Bring your brokenness, and I’ll bring mine ‘Cause love can heal what hurt divides And mercy’s waiting on the other side, If we’re honest”-. I heard this song a couple months ago and felt like this was how my husband and my relationship started and has continued to grow. Because we are honest. I don’t know why I ever opened up to him the way I did because at that time that was NOT me. I had thrown up these brick walls and didn’t want anyone to come in and was a complete mess in my eyes. He was the same way, maybe not so much a mess, but those walls were thick. So we both had walls to break through with each other, and slowly we broke through each others walls and got into one another’s hearts. I truly believe the fact that we’ve been honest with each other from the get go has kept us going for so long. I once had someone tell me “you don’t have to tell your husband everything.” Sorry but your wrong because I do need to and he tells me everything too. It’s what a relationship thrives on is honesty. The only way him and I have been able to break through the hurt that we each endured before each other was to be honest and build that line of trust. Once you break that line and you know there are lies piling up, to me its worthless. It’s hard to gain someone’s trust back, especially after they have hurt you. So we made a vow that honesty will always be there, be apart of our relationship. It’s not something that can slide. I tell him absolutely EVERYTHING and he is the same.
If there was anything I learned from watching my parents divorce was to not ever let that line of trust break and let hurt divide the two of us. Never let that communication falter. If those elements are always there we will last forever, even if we are still a little broken from things that have happened before we were together and heart break we have endured from others is still there at least I know one thing is certain….we will be broken together, and I want to be broken with him forever. Like my wedding ring says…..Always and Forever…..