Patience and respect go a long way…..

For as long as I can remember anyone I have ever met doesn’t like to be forced to do something.  9 times out of 10 when you do try to force someone to do something your going to get retaliation.  At least most of the people I’m surrounded by would retaliate in some way or another, I’m really no different.  When you try to force me to do anything and it’s not on my terms I feel like I become kind of like a dog being backed into a corner.

Have you ever tried to get a dog out of kennel that would rather eat your face off then let you even get close to touching it?  Well I have.  There are usually two to three reasons a dog or even a cat act with that reaction.  They are either just totally a butt in general and are even like that at home, they are so damn terrified at what is happening around them that it’s their reaction to their fear, or because you are constantly coming at them while they are scared or hurt and they are warning you that they are going to snap on you if you touch them.  With the second two you can usually change the outcome of how that animal is going to come out of that kennel.  I use to see so many techs go into a kennel with force and pissed off because they almost lost their arm or face that instead of making the situation de-escalate they do the exact opposite.  The dog or cat spazs out even more, pee and poop goes everywhere the cats usually end up screaming and the dogs sound like they are killing someone and it ends with somebody getting poked in the butt with meds, sometimes I wish it would’ve been me.  But there were so many times that could’ve been averted if that tech would have recognized that that animal was in complete fear, not angry.  When an animal is scared they don’t know how to control it, their fight or flight instinct kicks in and if they are in a kennel they can’t exactly use the flight tactic so they have to fight.  If you back away and leave enough room between you and them so that they can get out without actually coming in contact with you, but they are close enough that you can grab them before they take off, it goes so much smoother.  Why should that be any different with people?

Most people who get backed into a corner come out swinging and guns a blazin.  If you constantly come at them and keep pushing and pushing and pushing until that person hits their breaking point, that’s usually where people feel they are, is with their back against the wall in a corner.  That never ends well in any instance I can think of with anyone.  In the paragraph above I made the reference to an animal being backed into a kennel, do you see how we channel animal instincts to get ourselves out of basically the same situations?  Humans don’t like being cornered either, no different, it’s a fight or flight type of deal.  If we get pushed with our backs into a corner and no way out our option of flight isn’t there so we revert to fighting our way out and hurting people along the way.  There’s only so much a person can take when you are constantly having someone degrade you, criticize you, control you, accuse and blame you, and finally says they are going to abandon you then later say they are sorry and want you in their lives.  Really all those things as a cocktail can be extremely dangerous, and professionals call it emotional abuse.

I am that dog that when backed into a corner and you don’t let up I come out with all teeth showing, hair standing straight up on the back of the neck, sounding like I want to rip your face off.  I may be that quiet one at first that just has the fear in their eye and you come at me the first time and I growl a little to let you know, don’t touch me you’re in my space and I want you out for right now.  You come at me again and this time I growl and show teeth, you come at me once more and that’s when I snap and bite.  You come at me even harder and that’s when you have an all out brawl on your hands.  I don’t like to be forced to do things.  I don’t like to backed into a corner and told over and over and over what you think I need to do.  I don’t like to be constantly blamed, criticized, degraded, controlled, accused or blamed and damn it I don’t like to be abandoned.  Would you?  If you were an animal and after all this time of all this love and affection you are dropped off by the side of the road or left behind in the middle of a field how would you feel?  Do you like watching people walk away from you and say they are leaving you?  Do you like the feeling of being left behind by someone you love after they hurt you? Do you like trying to have to work through trusting ANYONE again?  I don’t.

Honestly it’s something I myself have to deal with on a daily basis, but thank God I have someone who is standing right beside me picking up the pieces as I try to heal from it all.  I just wish everyone would do that.  I wish everyone would give this abandoned soul some time to heal and stop pushing it back into a corner again.  If you back up and give it enough space, it might come out on its own and it will be able to heal without having to cry, run, and be angry with you sitting on it’s back.  Let it cry, run and be angry on its own, get off it’s back.  Let it sort through all the hurt and damage and figure out how to repair it all.  Let the wounds breathe and heal on their own time, let it run its course and stop.  Stop coming in there trying to force it to do something it doesn’t want to because it’s scared and doesn’t trust.  It will do it when and if it’s ready.  Support the fact that it doesn’t trust now and it’s scared.  Respect how it feels about the situation at hand and maybe just maybe it will come out slowly and on its own terms and so will I.  Respect how I feel about the situation.  Support the fact that I have trust issues, and I’m scared of getting hurt and in time, on my time, when I’m ready maybe just maybe I’ll come out of that corner with my arms at my sides and not all guns a blazin and be able to move past it all.  But if people keep coming in trying to pull me out of that kennel against my will, it will only end with hurt…….how much hurt should one have to take before you back up and realize that could’ve gone such a different way if you would’ve taken your time and let them take theirs?

“All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide, waitin’ for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide.” – Sara Bareilles.  

I’m not waiting for someone to tell me its my turn to decide anymore, this is my life and I will heal on my time……….not yours.

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