In a world full of “gender neutral” “feminism” pushing, “participation trophy” giving and de-masculinizing societies, one would believe that raising a respectful, proud to wear blue, tough, hard-working boy/man would be difficult. That may be for some, but not in this house.
Many who know me really well know I’m not one to follow “the norm”, whatever the hell that is. And actually I’ve never conformed to what society “expects”. I’ve ALWAYS been the one to buck the system and rebel so I could be who I really was. I’ve never followed a specific fashion trend, I’ve always done whatever I liked and what worked for me. My husband is not any different. So do you think raising children would be any different for us?
Growing up there were values I was taught, some yes as a girl that needed to be followed, like no we don’t put our skirts over our heads so everyone can see your underwear and you act lady like in public, not like a wild animal and idiot. But for some reason, I have my ideas as to why, a lot of the values I was taught as a child aren’t taught much anymore. For starters I don’t remember everyone getting participation trophies for EVERYTHING. Maybe when we were younger when you first start out in sports but you sure didn’t get a trophy for it, it was a piece of paper or a ribbon that had your name on it and the sport you participated in if that. Or the other thing that I don’t remember hearing a whole lot about and maybe that was because I was a kid, was “your kid is being played more than mine” crap. Really? So lets look at this “lets give everyone a trophy!” scenario.
By coaches, schools, teams whatever just handing a spot on the team because you showed up and oh here’s a trophy too for playing is not teaching anyone ANYTHING! The only thing it is teaching these kids is you’ll have everything handed to you basically on a silver platter your entire life. Well for those of us who live in the real world, not in a fantasy land in our mama’s basement, we know the only way to get things you need and may want in life you have to actually work for it! This concept is becoming less and less normal it seems all the time, which is incredibly sad because it’s just creating humans who feel entitled to everything when in reality you’re not entitled to crap. I don’t care who you are or what your last name is, nothing and nobody is entitled to anything.
A part of me feels like a lot of these kids who get everything they want is out of parental guilt. Guilt for not always being there like maybe they want to. I know not everyone can make a sacrifice like I did to be there for their kids. I gave up my entire career in the vet field so I could be there for my kids and watch them grow up, but in return I miss the hell out of working in the vet field and I also work part-time in a job that I have to psych myself up for everyday. But being able to watch my kids grow up and be there for them when they need me out weights the longing for the vet field ten fold. But like I said I know not everyone or every parent can do that or even have that option. So to make up for that void maybe they think they need to hand everything to their kids. In all honesty what are your kids going to remember more, that really nice toy or the fun they had with you? It may seem logical to give them everything they want when you can’t be there with them, but I promise the time you do spend with them they will remember a lot longer than that toy. When I was growing up I didn’t see my dad that much, he worked a lot and some late nights most of my childhood and wasn’t always able to be at my sporting events or theater shows, but the ones he was at and the time we spent together when he was off of work resonate a lot more in my memory then a toy him and my mom may have bought me. You can’t buy love, you can’t hand your kids everything and expect a genuine love. Yea they love you because your their parents, but making memories with them instead of throwing an inanimate object at them is going to last longer and affect their well-being as adults.
Yes our son gets a portion of what he wants, but he also works for it and it’s not just handed to him or he pays for it himself with the money he’s earned. Yep you read that right, he earns it! He does chores every single day-dishes, cleans cat boxes, feeds the animals, cleans the toilet-hey if the kid is gonna pee all over it he can take responsibility for not being able to get it in the bowl, which I know the kid can aim cause he can hit a damn pop can with a bb gun at 12 feet, so he can clean the toilet maybe he’ll learn then to actually pee in the toilet. There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with children doing chores to EARN either money so they can buy their own stuff, which I’ve noticed they take better care of it that way, or you buy it and say this is for doing this for me the other day or for the last week.
Harvard conducted a long running study about children doing and being given chores and it came back that they are more successful as adults when they have chores as children. Here is one of the many articles on this study: https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2015/12/08/research-indicates-sparing-chores-spoils-children-and-their-future-selves/ZLvMznpC5btmHtNRXXhNFJ/story.html
This study doesn’t surprise me in the least bit. If you teach your kids to do the crap jobs they are more willing to do them when they are adults. Good work ethic, hard-working work ethic, dedicated work ethic is so sought after but extremely hard to find because God for bid someone should get dirty or actually do the job requirements that are asked of them. Everyone is more worried about what everyone thinks and “OMG I can’t do that job, that’s gross, that cuts in to my party time with my friends or my time on the beach, what would my friends think?” who gives a shit!? It’s money to pay the bills and get you what you want instead of relying on mommy and daddy, right?! There’s a big difference between lack of work ethic because your spoiled, lazy and believe everyone should cater to you and your needs and wants than someone’s work ethic being crap because they are burnt out from their job or just fed up with the B.S. One you didn’t give a damn to begin with, the other you’ve been used and abused and pushed beyond your limits at your job but at least you still show up and work. Then there’s the moment in that child’s life when they do enter the real world and they HAVE to get a job but after their interview they get this “I’m sorry, your qualifications just don’t meet what we need or are looking for.” then what happens? If not prepared for that answer their entire world could fall apart because for the first time in their lives they were told NO! It really is ok to say no to your kids, I promise they won’t die. They may throw the worlds biggest fit when you tell them no as a small child, which they are a child they do that, but when they do that as an adult it’s not appeasing or acceptable. That reflects on you as a parent and I don’t know many parents out there that like to be told or hear “you messed up and failed somewhere along the lines for your adult child to act like that.”
I was taught life had disappointment early. “Nope, sorry you are just not good enough to be on that certain gymnastics team.” OUCH, can we say crushed? You bet, did I cry? Oh hell yea I bawled! I put so much work and time in to trying to get on that team and just ended up coming up short. BUT after I fell apart and beat myself up I didn’t let that deter me, that meant I needed to work that much harder until the next try outs so that I could get on that team. Learning from our disappointments is the only way we as humans grow and learn to either do better next time and focus in on what needs to be fixed to make us better and strive for our set goals. We need to stop worrying about hurting everyone’s feelings! No not everyone can play football, basketball, baseball, not everyone can be a cheerleader, gymnast, swimmer, runner. Not everyone is meant to play sports, there are other things out there that kids can do and be apart of a “team” setting if they aren’t sports oriented. Quit making such a big deal out of your kid not being played like everyone else. If we continue with the “you showed up for try outs your on the team” what do you expect? The players who can actually play and get the team a win are going to be played, not the players who just stand there or can’t throw/hit/kick the ball. When you get in the real world feelings don’t matter. Your boss isn’t gonna give a damn if he/she is hurting your feelings at the moment they are chewing your butt for screwing up, all they care about at that moment is the potential money you have lost them or the bad reputation you may have just caused .
Next, why is gender such a big damn deal? A girl/woman can grow a baby inside HER body and give life to that human and feed that human with her own body. She is in fact a pregnant WOMAN. A man can not grow a baby inside of HIM and give birth to that baby or feed that baby with his own body. He can participate in the making of that human and even if need be, raise that child on his own by giving formula and love. That’s about it there is no growing of said child within a mans body, despite the fact that many women would probably love to trade positions with a man at around 6 months or earlier and let them do the rest, it can not be done. Sorry but without a man, for obvious reasons whether he is there participating physically or it’s from a tube, and without a woman for obvious reasons, the two separate entities need each other to reproduce……it doesn’t get anymore cut and dry then that. So why have we tried to undo that!?
Since when has it been wrong to go to the store and go to the “boy” toy section to buy a boy toy for a boy or buy boy clothes for a boy or the same with girls? Now you have toy companies and clothing companies saying they are going to get rid of their so-called labels of boys toys/clothes or girls toys/clothes. When I go to the store to buy clothes for my kids I do in fact head to the girls section for my daughter and the boys section for my son, same with their toys that’s never going to change. We are doing all of this just so we don’t “offend” anyone, yep once again everybody needs to stop being so damn offended by everything and just chill the hell out! No body is targeting anyone and their “feelings” by having a girls section or a boys section, stop trying to carry your high school drama Bull$#&* into adulthood, cause really that’s what this is, and for some reason we are catering to it, when in all actuality 3/4 of us don’t need it or want it there’s enough drama in adulthood these issues really shouldn’t be one of them.
My next question is when did a man being “masculine” or “gentlemanly” become sexist, chauvinistic and offensive? Men are supposed to be “strong”. When they are in relationships they are supposed to be a good portion of the back bone. Now I’m not saying that makes women weak by any means, no there’s still women who are strong and sometimes they are the majority of the backbone of the family which is AWESOME! There are also woman out there that I know are doing it on their own and are independent or are even carrying some guy they are with who has decided to have him a sugar momma, to those women I say KUDDOS! Your carrying a lot on your shoulders. But in at least my relationship and I’m sure many others, I can only stay strong for so long before I eventually break, even the strongest of women break at some point and need a shoulder to cry on. I personally would rather be held in my husbands strong arms and fall apart, then fall apart by myself. There’s NOTHING WRONG with a guy being masculine and there’s damn sure NOTHING WRONG with a man being a gentleman to women. Holding a door open, helping you out of the car, paying for dinner, calling you “ma’am” all signs of RESPECT! For YEARS men have been doing these things for women, it doesn’t mean they think you are weak, it means they have respect for you as a woman and a human being.
Isn’t that what everyone is “fighting/marching” about? Respect. Respect for women, respect for our bodies, our choices, our freedoms. When did all those things that men used to do and some men still do today become signs of disrespect, sexism and chauvinism? Yep I am fully aware there are sexist, chauvinistic pigs out there, but for those men I truly believe they weren’t given any home training and that’s their parents fault, plus they need to grow up and no that doesn’t excuse their behavior by any means. But, it’s ok to be a guy and be masculine, what’s NOT ok is trying to push every guy into being feminine or feminists. It’s not ok to push, pressure or harass men or ANYONE to be someone they aren’t or don’t want to be just so they fit into what “society expects” and so they are PC friendly. Honestly that crap is only convenient when it’s on societies terms. “We are going to have a pride march, BUT if your gay and Jewish you’re not welcome.” or ” We are having a women’s march, BUT if you show the smallest support for anti-abortion/pro-life your not welcomed and you can’t march with us.” A bit warped, hypocritical and a double standard if you ask me.
So I guess my long drawn out point is in a world that is SO messed up on moral values, work values and human values for some it could be extremely hard to raise a respectful, masculine, gentlemanly, hard-working, blue wearing, boy/man. But if you stick with wanting to raise your boys to support and embrace every single one of those qualities, you truly can. It may be a bit of a battle with society and schools, but that doesn’t mean you give up. They are YOUR children, nobody else’s. Society didn’t carry that child for 9 months and give birth to them and neither did the schools or churches you need to do what you deem fit for your sons. Because in this house our son has and will be taught that no you’re not going to make every team you try out for or be the best at every sport or adventure you set out on. Yes, if you work extra hard and actually try you may get a trophy or ribbon that you deserve. No, real men don’t HAVE to wear pink. And yes you treat ALL women with respect. We don’t hit them, we don’t call them bad names, if anything you should place her on a pedestal and open doors for her and pay for dinner and call her ma’am, until they give you a reason not to and even then you have no excuse to hit them, bad mouth her or treat her like an animal. You give everyone respect no matter who they are because everyone deserves basic human respect. So as a mother of a son I deserve the right for “society” to respect my wishes and how I want my son to contribute to society and if that means he pisses some women off along the way by calling them ma’am and placing them on a pedestal then so be it, they aren’t worth his time if that’s the case. I’m not ashamed or scared to raise my son that way or my daughter to look at a man or like a man who has those values. I don’t care what others think or how they think I should raise my children. Nobody is going to instill any other values in my children then what I think they need or should have. And for all the other parents out there who are trying to raise their boys as hard working, dirty handed, tough, proud to wear blue, G.I Joe playing, women respecting boys/men I say kudos to you! Keep it up! Don’t give up! You keep raising that boy that way, we need more of them and momma’s raising their girls to appreciate men like that kudos to you too! We need more girls/women like that in this crazy world. It’s ok to keep some things old school.